I had a Facebook friend comment recently “You’re strength is awe-inspiring”. It made me feel like I was doing something right…..and then this past week, it all went wrong. There were challenges with CJ’s IEP which had to be fixed, scheduling issues which had to be fixed and a kid that, although he was enjoying his classes, was finding it impossible to leave the house in the morning. I ended up questioning everything and wondering if all of this fighting was worth it…..would we be fighting for the next four years only to find that my son still will not have achieved the ability to function in society?
I found myself spiraling downward, feeling useless and hopeless. Feeling like I didn’t have anything else to give, I tried to reach out to some friends, hoping that talking to my cheerleaders would help me feel more positive…..but they weren’t available. I ended up calling my dad this morning…..I don’t know why I didn’t call him first. I should have known that he would help with his matter-of-fact way of thinking. He verbalized things that were already in my head, I just needed to hear them out loud. He said “If you don’t keep fighting, you will never know if it is worth it or not, because if you don’t try, you have no chance of a good outcome.”.
Being a parent can be really frustrating. I have to remember that it helps me to talk to the person that molded my idea of what a great parent should be. My dad is quiet and calm……..and stronger than I could ever hope to be, but if I can strive to have even a little bit of his strength, I will make it over this hurdle and all the hurdles yet to come. If I find myself losing that strength, I just have to remember to pick up the phone, because I know my dad will share his with me.