I have learned something about myself this week……I don’t like to share. You would think, being raised with a sister just a year older than me, that I would be good at this sharing thing. She and I went through our childhood having to learn how to share a room and toys. Although we argued…… a lot, I think we both came away with some life lessons. I have found that, as we age, some of the lessons of our youth fade away.
The past few weeks have been challenging ones in our household. My son, CJ was determined to drop out of school. With the help of some amazing administrators, we were able to work out a new schedule for him that combines some classes at school and some online. This gives him a little down time during the week from the stressors that affect him at school.
My biggest challenge was that, while he is working on his online classes, I will also be working from home. Due to the fact that he has focus issues, I have decided to set up his computer in my office. I have a large desk/craft table in my office and we are now working on opposite sides of that desk. This means that there is additional noise during my work day, random singing and talking and constant fidgeting.
Over the past 2 years that I have been working from home, I have been spoiled. My office has been my refuge. I even painted it lilac to make sure it remained the ‘girl’ space in this house. My days were peaceful and quiet. I could get my work done with few distractions. I could play music if I chose…..what- ever music I wanted to hear. I could keep the thermostat at my comfort level and adjust accord to my mood. You see? Spoiled. This week that all changed.
I have found that CJ is more comfortable working this way since he doesn’t have the stress of dealing with other kids or classroom anxiety. The challenge is that, once again seeing to his comfort and making sure that he can accomplish school over-all is disrupting my comfort. This is something that all parents face……it is definitely something all parents of special needs children face. Unfortunately, I have found myself a bit resentful this week. That is not a good feeling to have.
I will try to work on this feeling and I will try to make this situation work, since it seems like the best solution for my son…..but I don’t think it will be easy for me. I will have to dig deep and find compromise in me and hopefully he will do the same.